Well, the other day I stopped by the LBC teen car wash at Wal-Mart. After receiving my complimentary car wash, I was chatting a bit with Abigail when Pastor Biggs grabbed me and told me to hold a sign and shout at people. In a nice way.
I figured I didn't have much to lose, and it would be good practice for street preaching; and I was just headed into work anyway which could be done later. So, I decided to stay and yell at people. In a nice way. I ended up with a nice sunburn but had a great time!
Why? Because I got to yell at people. In a nice way. It was a lot of fun making up things to yell, because "free car wash" got rather repetitive. By the end of the day I had stolen quite a few ideas from standard TV commercials, and it seemed the more annoying I tried to be, the more people liked it... I mostly used various conflagurations of the following (spoken in an overbearing infomercial/car salesman style of voice):
- Don't forget to get your free car wash as you exit Wal-Mart parking lot! (This is a good generic one)
- (Like a cheap infomercial) How much would you expect to pay for this special offer? Seven dollars? Five dollars? Two dollars! No! It's absolutely free!
- When I say "free", I mean one lump payment of nothing, or twelve easy installments of nothing!
- (spoken to people in a van) Minivans are twice the price. Oh, wait! That's still free!
- This is a limited time offer! Today only! If you come back tomorrow it will be too late!
- Don't be the last one in the parking lot to get your car washed for free!
- Nothing in life is free... except this car wash!
- You can't find a deal this good on eBay!
- Do you ever think to yourself "Boy, I sure need to wash my car, but I just don't seem to have the time." Well, let these crazy people do it for you for free!
- I got my car washed for free today! Have you?
- Why, if it was any cheaper, we'd be paying you!
- There's no such thing as a free lunch, but there is a free car wash!
- Remember: I'm not just a guy with a sign; I'm also a client! (This was supposed to be a takeoff of those hair loss remedy commercials, but I'm not sure if anyone got it)
- (after someone drove by from the car wash) Another satisfied customer!
And, my personal favorite:
- (falsetto) "Honey, you washed the car today!" (deep voice) "No, actually; I went to Wal-Mart and they had a free car wash!" (falsetto) "A free car wash! I'm so proud of you!" (announcer voice) Get your free car wash today!
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